One of my email adoption buddies and I have been having a conversation about race and I'd like to hear the opinions of others. The question is: Is it "acceptable" for families of one race to adopt children of another race? FYI - She wants to adopt outside of her race and her family is against it.
In my opinion, it is better for a child to be in a loving home than a foster/group home where they are just a number, labeled as a kid with problems, or are used as a method of paying the bills. I hate to say it, but it seems that there are a lot of individuals that foster children for the money. They have no intentions of eventually adopting the children. They don't have a genuine interest in the child's well being, only the check and the benefits that come with being a foster parent. Of course, this is not the case with all foster parents.
Anyway, I think that it is perfectly fine for families to adopt whomever they please, as long as they have the best interest of the child at heart and the child will not be treated differently because of his/her race.
Nevertheless, what about ignorant families and/or friends that might say hurtful things? It has been my experience that some of the smartest people say the most ignorant things when it comes to infertility and/or adoption. We are quite tired of hearing, "the minute you adopt, you're going to get pregnant" or "But you're so young. Wait a few years!" I want to say, "actually I'm not going to get pregnant and did you wait a few years? Mind your business!" However, I don't want to be mean so I just smile and nod, while trying not to let my disgust show. I know that these people mean well, but damn!
I digressed.
So, is it okay for families to adopt children of different races? Think about all of the controversy that surrounded Brad and Angelina . . . Madonna . . .
** Leave your comments here; I'll read them. You don't have to email me directly. LOL! And yes, to answer your question, we are in the process of adopting. We are not necessarily looking to adopt outside of our race, but if it happens . . . hakuna matata!
Food for thought: "Biological vs. Adopted"
http://www.pittwatch.com/discussion-thread-biological-vs-adopted/
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6 comments:
Love is love, love the child as you would love God. For God judges you not by color, but by your salvation.
Children are a life-line to all that is innocent and pure. Give them love, and they will give you love in return for all your years on this earth. They are your extension and your greatest legacy in life.
To me color should not be a major factor when it comes to a child being able to gain a secure and norturing home in their life. Every child should have that, unfortunately, not every child receives that.
Bless all the Good Shepherds (Adopting parents) who give the baby lambs (children) a home. The only indifference I would add in my personal opinion is that if you choose to adopt outside your race, make sure you make it your moral responsibility to educate them on who they are. And educate them on the beauty of their culture and not the stereo-types. Because every culture has history and pride. He or she can be bi-cultural, know your culture and their birth culture. You owe that to the child so that there is no confusion of who they are growing up in society. Love first, but educating them the right way should be a close second.
That's my take on the matter.
I think the society that we are in is full of xenophobes. Everyone wants families to be the same color. Hence the pride associated with being "Full Blooded Italian", Creole, or anything of that nature. On one hand it's a matter of comfort, on the other it's a matter of ignorance. In matter of comfort, people feel as though you must have the same color as the child or vice versa for you or the child to fully understand the struggles one may endure. Take into consideration a black person may feel as though a white adopted child may not come across the hardships as he or she did growing up. On the ignorant side, you have narrow-minded people who feel as if outside races are adopted out of pity. Brad, Angelina, Madonna, and others have adopted children from other countries not out of pity as much as it is out of love as well as seeking to give the child the opportunities which could only be afforded in America. The little African children adopted by Madonna and Angelina stand to have a much better life on this side of "the pond". There was so much controversy because they are celebrities. If they were everyday, run of the mill people you wouldn't have heard a thing about it. Take into consideration there's a website touting the fact that since 1994 they've placed more than 7,900 Chinese babies. 9 times out of 10 these weren't all Chinese families. Where were the cameras then? The simple fact is that no matter what in regards to adoption even if the child is the same race, there's always going to be some skepticism in regards to what the baby will bring to the table. Will he be the next Albert Einstein of the next Charles Manson? Will she be the next Oprah Winfrey or the next Susan Smith. In any instance as long as YOU love the child f**k what other people think.
Well, sheesh - we all know people who have been adopted, people who have adopted, and people who are considering adoption.
My latest adoption friends:
(1)Karen, a military wife and her husband have decided to adopt a child from China. A little 4 year old boy, and they are already in love with him. He does not have red hair like his new mom has, he doesn't resemble his new dad, and I assume that when the two parents and the other siblings are all together, people will notice that YoHan "looks differently". Some will ask, some will not. I think it's a case of KNOWING that you will be challenged by others for your decision to adopt. My thought - deal with it before the adoption comes across. Know how you're going to deal with people, or at least already have given enough thought to how you will deal with it.
(2) Shannon and John, another military couple I know. The have their baby, Nathan now. He is of Vietnamese descent, and granted, he doesn't resemble either one of these blond headed blue-eyed parents. Many of my friends have never met John, as he spends most of his time deployed, defending this country. At a party one evening, one of my friends asked me if 'Shannon's husband' is oriental, and another friend asked me about Shannon's baby - last time she saw her, she certainly didn't look pregnant. LOL
I had already talked with Shannon lots and lots and had many discussions on all this stuff. She says when people ask, she's proud of the fact that her baby is adopted, and it would be okay to let people know when they comment.
I don't look at Nathan as if he is anything but their child. Yes, I know he's adopted and he will, too. I think the fact is that unless you adopt a child that looks like you (and how would you be able to choose that, anyway?), then you will always have folks asking you things. Some will be stupid folks, and some will be folks that have/been/want to adopt. You never know, I think the key is to understanding eg: the adopting parents need to be understanding that this is going to happen, and know how they plan to deal with it. It's like anything else in life - be prepared and educated. You'll still be flabbergasted by some people, but that's life! LOL
I know of others that are adopted, many others, actually, so I'll not elaborate, I don't think that was the purpose of this. I'll try to stay on track, which I'm sure I've swayed from as it is. LOL
I believe this was meant to be more of a black/white/gray discussion? My thoughts: A close white friend had a child in college, which the black father was not a part of his life. The woman raised this child on her own, while finishing her degree and working full time as needed. Her son grew up to be a WONDERFUL young man whose mother did a good job of raising him. She had friends, male and female, black and white, and exposed her son to everything that she could about being a "black man with a white mother". I know perhaps that sounds strange, but she had very close relationships with her male black and white friends, whom she used as fatherly figures for her son. (She herself grew up without a father, and felt like she missed out on that relationship, and her son was growing up without a father, too) Her way of life and her son's way of life were very different as times had changed, naturally. But the fact is, I don't think it makes any difference where your child comes from, you are the one responsible for raising it properly, teaching it your morals and beliefs, and it shouldn't matter if that child is from a different culture, background, nationality, ethnicity, etc. YOU are the parent. And you won't have knowledge of the challenges of raising children until you have done so. And hopefully you will be equipped to handle those challenges as they arise. I don't think raising adopted children is any different from raising birthed children. I think there might be more challenges to raising children of a different race, but I think it's a challenge that many people who adopt would hopefully have empowered themselves with discussion and education before doing so.
Therefore - should it be an issue? Sure, not everyone is equipped with the personality to deal with people in the manner it might take do so. Others are.
(Feel free to delete all this garbage as you feel, it's only one regular person's opinion, and I'm not very "wordly" at that.)
God Bless!
Frankly...I say don't give a damn what people say. If you bond with a child who just so happens to be green, does that make that bond any less real? Whatever!! You do have to realize that you will encounter the occasional look, stare and whisper, but the well-being of that child trumps all. I do, however, feel that a child should have people at arms length that he/she can relate to. I'm sure Brad and Angelina CANNOT and SHOULD NOT pass judgement on whether Zahara (I think that's her name) gets a relaxer when that time comes around. I do think that having some type of rooted background of your culture is somewhat important. All the same, I agree that a child of any color in a loving home has more potential to be a happy child and eventually be an integral part of society than a child that's stuck in a loveless situation.
Every child and adult deserves to feel the amazing bond of having a child and being a child and to give and recieve that love, whether that love comes from or too a hand of color, a hand that lacks color, a christian hand, a jewish hand, a rich hand, a poor hand, a hand from another country or a hand that speaks another tounge! Love is unconditional devotion, that is given without condition!
You know, it may sound corny, but all a child needs is love. I mean, I know everyone and their grandma will have an opinion about what's wrong or right. But the bottom line is that y'all will love and take care of that child. Too many kids are unwanted as it is, so if y'all want to adopt a child, no matter what color, go for it!!!! And FYI, I love your decorations and baby clothes options! Okay, maybe some may think you're jumping the gun, but you know what? You said it best on your blog: God's got this!! I just know your little angel is coming soon girl...Get ready for instant love! =)
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